green monster

So you can stream along in life and having no issue when all of a sudden ZAPWHAMBOO you are bitch slapped by that green monster - jealousy. What a pitiful waste of energy emotion. You can't move along, you feel like you've been punched in the stomach, all for an emotion that never does anything but harm. I guess it might be an early warning sign at some times, or it can be a motivator to change something, but overall it is useless.

For me, when I feel jealousy it has a disasterous after effect. Whatever the object of my jealous was, I tend to have a "screw you!" feeling towards the object after the jealousy has passed. I'm thinking it is sort of a emotional protection system. My eps. I tend to have many EPS's. You know how that goes. Something I don't want to accept or face up to, I go into EPS. That is usually ignore, get flippy and just distance myself from the situation. I like that. I'm like that. But for jealousy my EPS is "SCREW YOU!!". And the screw you eps lasts longer than the actually jealousy did. But let me look at jealousy. I think sometimes people are clueless or so not in tune with people that they invite you and cultivate you to be jealous. Look at all the pretentious people who buy houses in that certain area, or certain cars cause that is what the "in" people do, the people who have stuff do. Then they go on and on about these things and invite you to be jealous. Normally I decline the invitation. And to be fair, maybe these folks don't know they do it...they have little else to offer you than the fact that they have stuff. Heere I am thinking that I am suffering from jealousy do to self esteem, when these are probably the least self esteemers. To offer up only that you have possessions as opposed to having something inside your personalty to offer. Wow, profoundly sad. Whew....now I feel better after getting all that out. If anyone reads this they are most likely very confused. but then if you were talking to me one to one you would have been confused anyhow!

What a day

Okay, as far as gloomy bad days, this seems to be one of them. Yes, I know in the grand scheme of things this rates as nothing , but I still feel like life is giving me the good ole raspberry.

Woke up at 1:30 in the morning with a killer headache. Was too lazy to get out of bed and grab aspirin. So I tossed and turned until about 4:30 at which time I fell asleep. Deeply. Then had to wake up at 6:00. Still have the headache but popped some aspirin and hit the shower - felt better. Bonus was that my hair finally looked the way I've been trying to get it to look since it has been cut. Okay... For reasons sort of beyond my control I had to drive to the cumberland el station and take the blue line in. The blue line wasn't too bad (even tho the train took forever and a day to get in) and there was only a "little" smell of urine. Hardly noticeable. Things are looking up!!! Get off the blue line, (and am on the underground part) and immerge upstairs into the rain. Pouring rain. I root around in my backpack to discover my umbrella is not there. ....oh yes........I took it out the other day to make room for something else. ARGGGH.. So I walk 15 minutes in the rain and get to work, hair drenched (so much for the good hair day) jeans soaking and am shivering as it is cold in this office. Things are going okay, little things are happening but oh well, trying to keep a perspective on them........until lunch.......Yesterday I ordered the bruschetta salad with no chicken. I run down (starving as I forgot my breakfast stuff at home - sigh) and grab my salad and am about to take abig bite when I notice....duh duh daaaaaa.....EGGS!!! I am allergeic to eggs! ARGH!!!!!! I spend about 15 minutes digging through the lettuce taking the egg out of the salad. Start to eat the salad and am wondering what I'm eating ...... .is it tofu??? is it egg that tastes sort of salty??? NO!! ITS CHICKEN!! THE CHICKEN I DIDNT WANT AND THEY CUT UP LITTLE TEEEEENY TIIIINY PIECES AND THROW IT IN MY SALAD ALONG WITH THE CRIMINAL EGG!! ARGGH!!!!

Well I've just given up. I'm going to sit at my desk and try to get the day to pass by. I'm going to sneak out of here promptly at 5:00 sit in a bar, drink a shot and see what else is going to happen........Life is if nothing else, an adventure.

TMI

So here is my very very personal kvetch. I think it positively sucks the big one that my little brother (or as I used to call him, my little bother) is dead. Okay there you have it. He died 12/8/02. Today would have been his 41st birthday. If he were alive, I would have sent him a couple of pounds of italian beef (with the hot gardiniere), so I guess I saved myself about 60 bucks. If he were alive today I would be making fun of him and asking him if his real parents sent him a card today (my sister and I used to tell him he was adopted). If he were alive today I would most likely be bitching about him calling me and boring me mindlessly over some facinating thing he saw on the discovery channel, fighting with him over his ultra conservative leanings, telling him he was full of crap when we got into a fight over some bit of minutia in which he felt he was right and I KNEW I was right. He'd have me pulling my hair out, he would be costing me money, I'd spend hours telling him that life would get better and tell him to make a list and do one thing a day, I'd laugh when he had his sudden spark of side splitting wit. I'd get a hug from him and remember the little towheaded boy who followed me around incessitantly and who I protected from the world as best I could. The little boy that I stood up for and even sort of beat up a teach for.

So universe/god/fate/whomever, you all suck and your ancestors suck and your progeny suck.

Very unkvetchy

Well since this is my blog I can change the rules whenever I want. Right?? Today I have no kvetching (well I have alot I can kvetch about but am in sunny mood. damn...) . Homecoming. I love some uniquely american traditions.....such as the stuff related to the high schools. Homecoming is one of those great traditions. Everyone goes to the football game (where we lose, a tradition within itself...) then parents go out for a beverage or go help the kids decorate the gym (guess which camp I fall into....). Saturday morning its all about last minute running to the mall for earrings, stockings, necklaces. Saturday afternoon its hair, makeup, moms and daughters sneaking in a soda at the a&w, parents calling to make dinner reservations. Then its picture time. You meet at someone's house, then off to the local gazebo, pretty park, lakeside. The parents mill around laughing, joking, catching up on the news of the older kids. Some of the alumni are there and you marvel at how lucky you are to watch these young men and women from wee small to what they are now. Its one of those perfect small moments. All is right for the world in those seconds. The boys are so cute in their slightly too big shirts, the girls with too much make-up, too much hairspray and way too much sophistication. If you are lucky, like I was, you realize how perfect it all is in that moment. The glance that your daughter gives you and the smile, telling you how much she enjoyed this bit of bonding with you. The last minute hug before they get in the car to go to the dance. Sigh.........How could life be anything but wonderful?

Marionettes

I suppose this is not really a kvetch but more a bit of anger for myself over an irrational fear.....Marionettes....I hate em. Can't stand the creepy eyes, they always have big noses and the way their arms are out in front of them and the lopy way they walk. They freak me out big time. When I was a kid, once a year someone would come to the grade school to bring us a marionette show. I sat in the back, as far away as I could just hoping that a a fire would start burning up the little wooden things so that I wouldn't have to watch their creepy eyes, as they shifted on to me. Yes, they did. One year, as a special treat, a relative ACTUALLY GOT ME A MARIONETTE FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!!! I struggled to be polite, desperate to get away from the box and the creepazoid that was contained within it. Of course we had to take the offensive pile of wood and string out of the box and many in the room joyously played with the alien. I couldn't bare the thought of the monster in my house let alone my room. Suddenly a solution came to my mind.........I went into the garage and carefully arranged the possessed doll right behind the wheel of my dad's car. Sure enough, my dad ran it over the next morning as he pulled the car out of the garage. I'm sure he caught hell from my mom over this. I can imagine her yelling and my dad feeling horrible and them wondering how to break the news to me. Luckily, this was the 70s and the parenting mode was "less said sooner mended". No one said a word. I'm sure their guilt lasted for years, but my delight continues to this day.

While in Austria, we went up to a local castle (how cool to say that, local castle...almost as good as daily Kock, but that is for another blog - jeez, this may turn into less a kvetch and more a tale!). We had a beer before we decided to explore. We were happy with beer smiles on our faces and awed eyes as the castle was amazing....until........(DU DU DU DA!!!!!!!!!!! (suspense music))......a marionette museum.........ARGHHH!!!!!! I went in bravely (I had some high hopes as I thought we would need to pay to get in and one of our party is fond of saying "I'm not paying" but I was foiled as it was gratis).........and had to leave quickly when I found out they actually had a marionette that you could play with. Luckily we either stayed too drunk, or too tired for the rest of the travelers to come up with a good marionette prank. If they had, my lovely and delicious memories of austria could have been tainted. So, Austris is perfect -1.

Nongivers

So here is my kvetch (and I was in Austria and drank too much and laughed too much so I didn't produce a european version......can't kvetch in such awesome places).

Do you have this person in your life. The allaboutme-er? The person that just can't nurture and just can't see more than a 2 foot radius around themselves. The person that sends you this message "I need to hear your voice". "I need to see you". "I need to have you make me laugh". "I need my Tos fix". Okay, nice sentiments you say, and indeed they are. However these are all about them. All about liking the way YOU make them feel. The allaboutme-er's lack the ability to be there for anyone. Or to think of what the other persons needs are. Especially if the other person is over effusive in their nurturing of them. Relationships seem to work best when you have a combination of I need you and I think you need me, let me be there for you. Unfortunately, some people lack that ability. Maybe the allaboutme-ers should get together with the Motus.