Pimples

So I have this nasty butt eruption right under my nose. It is not a true pimple, one that you can pop but one of those vague no point of origin burning types. If I cover it up with make up it looks more obvious. I find myself touching it constantly.....sort of patting it. Then I wringle up my upper lip in an attemp to move the skin around and perhaps dislodge something - what I am not sure. Its making me crankier than normal. I supposed I would rather have an eruption right under my nose than on other spots of my body. Its not particularly worriesome as an eruption in say, my nether regions would be. I am actually feeling a bit better that it is under my nose instead of on my tender bits. Gawd I cannot even imagine the quickness to which I would reach the bottle of antianxiety meds should I have found an eruption in the holy cavern of wonderful feeling! I guess in my kvetching about it, I am now quite proud of it. Whew!

Prince Albert - not in the can

So, here is my kvetch today. Why can't I have huge crushes on people who others can understand why? I have an ENORMOUS crush, always have, on Prince Albert of Monaco. Prince Albert young, Prince Albert older, probabably even Prince Albert ancient will still trip my trigger. Just watched him on a tv show and was drooooooling. Would pass up brad pitt, george clooney, daniel craig....unless they could introduce me to Prince Albert!!! Ugh!!!!!! I am this close to putting his picture up in my bedroom poster sized. Writing his name on my hand, writing over and over and over "mrs. prince albert of monaco". "Dimples of Monaco". Your royal dimples, beloved of Prince Albert of Monaco. He looks like one of the bankers that I take the train with into the city....and man, yes, I do have lacivious thoughts about everyone of them. So clean, so tidy, so brooked brothered......ah..................arrgghh!!!

Kvetching and mustard

So basically today I'm going to kvetch about myself. I created this tough as nails, uber giving persona about 30 years ago. Thought it was a cool personality. You know, can handle anything, very strong, doesn't need nuthin or noone. Romance?? Pishaw! Tenderness?? Double Pishaw!! Well, it occurs to me the reason I did it was to get people to like me and to stay with me. Sort of I'll give you no reasons to ever get rid of me. Now I'm tired of it. I'm tired of my willingness to always say "no, thats great!" or to come up with a reason why that idea is PERFECT for me. Its really hard for me to appear weak (I am conan) so I go out of my way to not only show how tough I am but to also make sure that if anyone sacrifices it is me. Well its pissing me off. Truly truly pissing me off right now. I want romance, I want to be put first, I want....I want...I want to be a bit girly. Crap. Crap. Double triple quadriple crap.

So I'm pissed off at myself. I'm going around the day just kvetching my butt off that people ignore my needs, wants and secret desires.....even tho they all truly have been secret.
ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Well its been awhile

And my kvetch is at myself. I've gotten so caught up in kvetching about the world and those in it that I've not had time to blog my kvetch. Bad on me. There is certainly plenty to kvetch about. I guess instead of spewing the negative energy out of my system, I've kept it in to become an internal combustion engine fueling my anger, hostility and displeasure. What a wonderful thing, eh? Well that is going to stop as I need to spew forth and make the rest of you as miserable as me! My kvetch today is an entirely personal one and it is the guy with the umbrella getting off the train. He must have sensed I was horny cause as he disembarked from the train he took his umbrella (which did not need to be in full upright umbrella position as it was not raining) and without thinking that it was a large golf umbrella and that there were people behind him (I mean he was in a crowd, this would be called paying attention) he stabbed it right behind him and into my hooohaw several times. You would think the first time he would notice that he made contact and looked behind him to apologize, however the 2nd and 3rd time (as I yelped and tried to manuever myself out of the way of the offending appendage) I can only guess that this was his equivalent of foreplay. Well my dear sir, next time a glass of wine, some cheese and then we can talk.

green monster

So you can stream along in life and having no issue when all of a sudden ZAPWHAMBOO you are bitch slapped by that green monster - jealousy. What a pitiful waste of energy emotion. You can't move along, you feel like you've been punched in the stomach, all for an emotion that never does anything but harm. I guess it might be an early warning sign at some times, or it can be a motivator to change something, but overall it is useless.

For me, when I feel jealousy it has a disasterous after effect. Whatever the object of my jealous was, I tend to have a "screw you!" feeling towards the object after the jealousy has passed. I'm thinking it is sort of a emotional protection system. My eps. I tend to have many EPS's. You know how that goes. Something I don't want to accept or face up to, I go into EPS. That is usually ignore, get flippy and just distance myself from the situation. I like that. I'm like that. But for jealousy my EPS is "SCREW YOU!!". And the screw you eps lasts longer than the actually jealousy did. But let me look at jealousy. I think sometimes people are clueless or so not in tune with people that they invite you and cultivate you to be jealous. Look at all the pretentious people who buy houses in that certain area, or certain cars cause that is what the "in" people do, the people who have stuff do. Then they go on and on about these things and invite you to be jealous. Normally I decline the invitation. And to be fair, maybe these folks don't know they do it...they have little else to offer you than the fact that they have stuff. Heere I am thinking that I am suffering from jealousy do to self esteem, when these are probably the least self esteemers. To offer up only that you have possessions as opposed to having something inside your personalty to offer. Wow, profoundly sad. Whew....now I feel better after getting all that out. If anyone reads this they are most likely very confused. but then if you were talking to me one to one you would have been confused anyhow!

What a day

Okay, as far as gloomy bad days, this seems to be one of them. Yes, I know in the grand scheme of things this rates as nothing , but I still feel like life is giving me the good ole raspberry.

Woke up at 1:30 in the morning with a killer headache. Was too lazy to get out of bed and grab aspirin. So I tossed and turned until about 4:30 at which time I fell asleep. Deeply. Then had to wake up at 6:00. Still have the headache but popped some aspirin and hit the shower - felt better. Bonus was that my hair finally looked the way I've been trying to get it to look since it has been cut. Okay... For reasons sort of beyond my control I had to drive to the cumberland el station and take the blue line in. The blue line wasn't too bad (even tho the train took forever and a day to get in) and there was only a "little" smell of urine. Hardly noticeable. Things are looking up!!! Get off the blue line, (and am on the underground part) and immerge upstairs into the rain. Pouring rain. I root around in my backpack to discover my umbrella is not there. ....oh yes........I took it out the other day to make room for something else. ARGGGH.. So I walk 15 minutes in the rain and get to work, hair drenched (so much for the good hair day) jeans soaking and am shivering as it is cold in this office. Things are going okay, little things are happening but oh well, trying to keep a perspective on them........until lunch.......Yesterday I ordered the bruschetta salad with no chicken. I run down (starving as I forgot my breakfast stuff at home - sigh) and grab my salad and am about to take abig bite when I notice....duh duh daaaaaa.....EGGS!!! I am allergeic to eggs! ARGH!!!!!! I spend about 15 minutes digging through the lettuce taking the egg out of the salad. Start to eat the salad and am wondering what I'm eating ...... .is it tofu??? is it egg that tastes sort of salty??? NO!! ITS CHICKEN!! THE CHICKEN I DIDNT WANT AND THEY CUT UP LITTLE TEEEEENY TIIIINY PIECES AND THROW IT IN MY SALAD ALONG WITH THE CRIMINAL EGG!! ARGGH!!!!

Well I've just given up. I'm going to sit at my desk and try to get the day to pass by. I'm going to sneak out of here promptly at 5:00 sit in a bar, drink a shot and see what else is going to happen........Life is if nothing else, an adventure.

TMI

So here is my very very personal kvetch. I think it positively sucks the big one that my little brother (or as I used to call him, my little bother) is dead. Okay there you have it. He died 12/8/02. Today would have been his 41st birthday. If he were alive, I would have sent him a couple of pounds of italian beef (with the hot gardiniere), so I guess I saved myself about 60 bucks. If he were alive today I would be making fun of him and asking him if his real parents sent him a card today (my sister and I used to tell him he was adopted). If he were alive today I would most likely be bitching about him calling me and boring me mindlessly over some facinating thing he saw on the discovery channel, fighting with him over his ultra conservative leanings, telling him he was full of crap when we got into a fight over some bit of minutia in which he felt he was right and I KNEW I was right. He'd have me pulling my hair out, he would be costing me money, I'd spend hours telling him that life would get better and tell him to make a list and do one thing a day, I'd laugh when he had his sudden spark of side splitting wit. I'd get a hug from him and remember the little towheaded boy who followed me around incessitantly and who I protected from the world as best I could. The little boy that I stood up for and even sort of beat up a teach for.

So universe/god/fate/whomever, you all suck and your ancestors suck and your progeny suck.