green monster

So you can stream along in life and having no issue when all of a sudden ZAPWHAMBOO you are bitch slapped by that green monster - jealousy. What a pitiful waste of energy emotion. You can't move along, you feel like you've been punched in the stomach, all for an emotion that never does anything but harm. I guess it might be an early warning sign at some times, or it can be a motivator to change something, but overall it is useless.

For me, when I feel jealousy it has a disasterous after effect. Whatever the object of my jealous was, I tend to have a "screw you!" feeling towards the object after the jealousy has passed. I'm thinking it is sort of a emotional protection system. My eps. I tend to have many EPS's. You know how that goes. Something I don't want to accept or face up to, I go into EPS. That is usually ignore, get flippy and just distance myself from the situation. I like that. I'm like that. But for jealousy my EPS is "SCREW YOU!!". And the screw you eps lasts longer than the actually jealousy did. But let me look at jealousy. I think sometimes people are clueless or so not in tune with people that they invite you and cultivate you to be jealous. Look at all the pretentious people who buy houses in that certain area, or certain cars cause that is what the "in" people do, the people who have stuff do. Then they go on and on about these things and invite you to be jealous. Normally I decline the invitation. And to be fair, maybe these folks don't know they do it...they have little else to offer you than the fact that they have stuff. Heere I am thinking that I am suffering from jealousy do to self esteem, when these are probably the least self esteemers. To offer up only that you have possessions as opposed to having something inside your personalty to offer. Wow, profoundly sad. Whew....now I feel better after getting all that out. If anyone reads this they are most likely very confused. but then if you were talking to me one to one you would have been confused anyhow!